Auuugggghhh!! Zombies everywhere!!! First it just started out as a small group at the PAC, but it grew... and grew... and grew!! One after one their victims turned, past the Viking Union and the library... then they came upon Red Square. That was where the most carnage took place. Blood was spattered all over the bricks, the Spartan guy from 300 protected masses of innocent onlookers (which included, among others, Pippi Longstocking, Alice and the Burger King), and nobody thought things would ever be right again... until Jesus arrived, with his sidekick Uncle Sam!! BUT ALAS!! They, too, were turned!! The prospect of a zombie Jesus was just too terrible for me to contemplate, so as the zombie hoarde moved out of Red Square and towards south campus, I returned, saddened and dismayed, to my room. And on the way back, I met a ninja squirrel!

Oh, I heart my college.